I understand the main event of any Valentine's Day is The Date. I encourage you to do exactly that this Valentine's Day, but with a word of advice. I've worked in plenty of restaurants and bars, and I've seen many a V-Day date take frightening turns when these rules aren't followed.

Guys: Buy expensive drinks.

The reason you buy expensive drinks on Valentine's Day is not to impress her with finer things, demonstrate her value to you, nor even just to do something out of the ordinary; it's to keep from getting too sloshed to bang.

Seriously. Stay strong by sipping, and pace your partner, (on the sly, of course). Maybe a nice bottle of wine and a few cocktails out on the town, otherwise that new lingerie of hers will be wastefully tossed into the dark void of stumbling blackout. Don't deprive her of the dampening memory of your potent performance.

And if you can avoid hangovers, your odds of a morning romp improve greatly. Mmmm… big, messy hair and smudged, leftover eyeliner. Hot.

Ladies: It's the thought that counts.

Believe me, everyone knows the 14th of February is all about you. No need to restate the obvious by getting all mememememe about it.

Men are under a lot of pressure to fulfill your fantasy expectations. Did he buy you milk chocolates instead of dark? Theater tickets instead of handcrafted jewelry? Reservations at a Winter Park steakhouse instead of a downtown bistro? Get over it.

Nothing ruins the magic of a good Brazilian wax and red satin dress like pursed lips and cold shoulders. You want to be queen for a day? Act like one. Gracefully appreciate the gestures that don't suit your tastes. Smile. Compliment his magnificence to another girl while he's within earshot. And when you get home, reward him. He may be getting the "reward" but you'll be the one who's adored.